What Abi Taught Us

A Mother's Struggle to Come to Terms with her Daughter's Death

Author: Lucy Hone

Paperback | 1 October 2016

New Zealanders were shocked when two beautiful young girls and the mother of one of them were tragically killed in a car accident after a tourist plowed into their car. What seemed to set this apart from other tragic accidents was that the girls were only 12, they were stunningly beautiful, outrageously talented, and from very comfortable middle-class Christchurch families. People could only imagine the pain the families were going through.

Abi's mother (who was not in the car) is Lucy Hone, a research academic in the field of resilience and wellbeing psychology. She started a blog four weeks after Abi's death. Informed by her research and studies with Martin Seligman (the author of best-selling books Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness), she has decided to take an active approach to her grieving. A quick glance at the extant literature on grieving and loss shows how limited the support options are for those facing loss. Bereaved parents are told to write off the next five years to grief. Hone asks, what if they choose not to do that? What if they choose to focus on energy, choosing life rather than dwelling on death? What strategies are effective in helping move forward without bottling up the pain, so it comes back to bite us later? Hone looks at all these questions and possibilities from both a personal and academic level.

In What Abi Taught Us Lucy shares her story and research so that others can work to regain some sense of control and take action in the face of helpless situations.